How can you talk to your teen? Expert tips for parenting teenagers - CHOC - Children's Health Hub
Insights fromDr. Shirin Mostofi, a licensed clinical psychologist at Rady Children’s Hospital Orange County (Rady Children’s)Key takeawaysWatch for meaningful behavior changes:Persistent withdrawal,. . .
Insights fromDr. Shirin Mostofi, a licensed clinical psychologist at Rady Children’s Hospital Orange County (Rady Children’s)Key takeawaysWatch for meaningful behavior changes:Persistent withdrawal, irritability, loss of interest in activities, or shifts in sleep, appetite, and hygiene can signal emerging mental health concerns that go beyond typical teen independence. Gentle, intentional communication builds trust:Asking deeper check‑in questions, sharing your own experiences, and creating small moments of connection help teens feel safe opening up, especially during difficult conversations. Seek support when red flags persist:If mood or behavior changes last more than a few weeks or escalate, pediatricians and mental health specialists can provide early evaluation and guidance to keep teens healthy and supported. Expert advice for navigating teen mental health and communicationAdolescence is a stage filled with changes—physical, emotional, and social. For many families, it can also be one of the hardest times to maintain open communication. Dr. Shirin Mostofi is a pediatric psychologist at Rady Children’s. She works with theAdolescent Intensive Outpatient Program. For over ten years, she has helped teens and families during this important time. Here, she shares her perspective on how parents can recognize red flags, foster trust, and support their teens’ mental health. The growing mental health crisisRates ofanxiety,depression, andeating disordersin teens have increased in recent years. This rise is especially true after the pandemic disrupted life. “With all the challenges that we as the world went through collectively, there have been a lot of additional obstacles in reintegrating back into society and life,” states Dr. Mostofi. For teens, the natural process of identity development and the importance of peer relationships intensify the struggle. Red flags to watch out forIt’s normal for teenagers to seek more independence and spend time with friends. But parents should pay attention when withdrawal goes beyond what’s typical. Warning signs may include:Irritability or agitation during interactions with caregiversSpending nearly all of their time isolated in their roomRefusing to engage even in activities they once enjoyedPoor eye contact or minimal responses to conversationIt is important to notice changes in hygiene, eating habits,sleep, orschool attendance. This is especially true if these changes last for more than a few weeks. How to check in with gentlenessMany parents worry about saying the wrong thing and pushing their teen further away. Dr. Mostofi encourages families to be intentional but gentle. Instead of a quick “How was your day?” she recommends deeper prompts such as:“What are two or three things you enjoyed today?”“What was something that made you smile?”“What’s something that was hard for you today?”She also reminds parents to share their own experiences. “It’s important to give as much as you expect to receive from your child,” she encourages. Even small efforts—taking a walk, baking, or watching a movie together—can help rebuild connection. Responding to difficult disclosuresSometimes, teens share information that leaves parents feeling shocked or overwhelmed. Whether it’s about substance use, peer pressure, or bullying, Dr. Mostofi stresses the importance of staying calm. “My primary recommendation is to take a step back and before jumping to punish, criticize, solve it or fix it, allow space for them to continue talking and sharing,” she advises. Instead of reacting harshly, acknowledge what your teen may have felt. For example, saying, “I understand the peer pressure you probably went through,” communicates empathy and keeps the door open for further conversation. When to seek professional helpProfessional support may be necessary when warning signs persist or escalate. Mood changes, losing interest in activities, significant weight changes, and ongoing sleep or appetite problems need further evaluation. Parents can start with their pediatrician for an initial screening or connect directly with a mental health specialist. “Either option is a great place to start,” Dr. Mostofi assures, noting that many primary care clinics now screen for mental health concerns routinely. Making time for fun and connectionAbove all, Dr. Mostofi encourages families to carve out space for joy and relaxation. “My best advice would be to plan out your days and times together,” she shares. “Do I have enough time set aside to have fun with my children and have fun as a family, as a unit?” Creating these moments helps balance thestressof school, work, and responsibilities while reinforcing the foundation of trust that teens need. Supporting teens begins withcommunication. Families can help their teens face challenges by watching for warning signs. They should check in often and ask for help when needed. This way, they can stay connected. Get more expert health advice delivered to your inbox monthly by subscribing to the KidsHealth newsletterhere. Get mental health resources from CHOC pediatric expertsThe mental health team at CHOC curated the following resources on mental health topics common to kids and teens, such as depression, anxiety, suicide prevention and more.